


I Sing The Body Electric

by that_shipper



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Camping, Canon Divergence, M/M, Me? Writing fic for a movie that came out almost thirty years ago?, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining, Neil Perry Deserved Better, it's more likely than you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 07:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16300517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_shipper/pseuds/that_shipper
Summary: “Who can distinguish darkness from the soul?” -YeatsNeil always knew what to say and Todd envied him for it. The words flowed out of him like water, unapologetic and important so that everyone around him couldn’t help but listen, couldn’t help but hold their breath and wait. Todd however, fumbled and stepped on his words, shaky and carefully chosen when he spoke at all. And when he did, no one bothered to listen anyway. No one of course, but Neil.





	I Sing The Body Electric

**Author's Note:**

> I've got multiple long fics on the go with complicated and interesting plot but that won't stop me from completely ignoring it and writing a fic for a movie released ten years before I was born!
> 
> The title comes from a poem by Walt Whitman of the same name

He didn’t know how Neil convinced him to sleep outside, he was already frozen and as the darkness crept in, an unwelcome visitor, he felt his back grow damp, the dew soaking through his jumper already. 

“Just look.” Neil said, and Todd lolled his head over to the side, couldn’t help but marvel at Neil’s face, animated and smiling like a boy’s, his profile illuminated in deep blues by the starlight. “You can see the whole universe from here.” 

Todd looked up to the sky, feeling his gut pinch, guilty. He wanted to be present, he wanted to see the world the way Neil did, but every cell in his body was focused on the point where his pinky finger connected with Neil’s in the wet grass between them. He felt the contact right down to the bone, to the meat of his soul and God, he felt guilty for it. 

He stared up at the stars and swallowed, “It’s beautiful.” He said, delicately shifting his hand a fraction of an inch away, listening to the beating of his own heart, to Neil’s deep cascading breaths beside him. 

The silence permeated, cloying at Todd’s skin, all he could hear was the sounds of the night and the rush of wind in the trees. They were laying out by the cave where one small section of sky above was perfectly framed by foliage. The light from the moon came through the leaves and speckled across Neil’s face. 

Neil was a vision, an immortal, a statue carved from the finest marble, each hair, each fingernail arranged perfectly, incarnate, as if by God himself. 

Todd opened his mouth to say something, he didn’t know what, but the words caught in his throat and he closed it again, let out a puff of air and turned back to the stars. Neil always knew what to say and Todd envied him for it. The words flowed out of him like water, unapologetic and important so that everyone around him couldn’t help but listen, couldn’t help but hold their breath and wait. Todd however, fumbled and stepped on his words, shaky and carefully chosen when he spoke at all. And when he did, no one bothered to listen anyway. No one of course, but Neil. 

Neither had spoken in so long, Todd was sure Neil was asleep, his deep calm breath seemed to signify so. Despite himself, he turned his head to the side to look at him, to watch the darkness cloak his perfect features as they drifted later and later into the night. 

When he turned, however, the breath caught in his lungs as Neil was on his side looking back at him.

“Oh.” Todd said, the sound escaping his mouth unconsciously, released into the night air. 

“Thank you for coming.” Neil said, a smile shouldering it’s way onto his face. 

Todd swallowed, his anxious heart pumping faster against his will. 

“Yeah,” He said, “Yeah, of course.” 

Then Neil did something extraordinary; carefully, but purposefully, he moved through the electric space between them to rest his head on Todd, nestled somewhere between his collarbone and his chest, Neil’s dark hair striking against his white jumper. 

Todd sat stunned for a moment, frozen and not daring to breathe lest he disrupt him. 

“When I was little,” Neil said, scarcely above a whisper, “I always wanted to camp out on the front lawn and watch the stars.” He took a deep breath and Todd watched his eyes close with it. Todd had an inexplicable urge to press his lips to those pale eyelids as if in sleep. 

“Why didn’t you?” Todd asked, just as quiet, still not daring to look away from the back of Neil’s head. 

“My father.” He said, with some amount of malice. “He thought it was too- I don’t know.” He trailed off. “He always wanted me to be grounded, present.” 

Todd didn’t say anything for a moment, listened to the sorrowful crickets.

“You know,” Todd started, carefully. “You don’t have to listen to him. He’s your father, but that doesn’t make him right.” 

Neil turned his face further into Todd’s jumper and inhaled there. Todd could feel the heat of his breath on his skin, even through the layers. His heart flipped a little and he felt something hot and full of intent burn in the pit of his stomach. 

“Thank you.” Neil said, muffled, with his face still pressed into Todd’s chest. 

Todd was mystified by him, by this ethereal creature pressed up against him, clutching onto him like he was worried if he let go, he’d disappear. He was so strong and yet so powerless all at once. All Todd wanted to do was hold him, every fibre in his being screamed at him to reciprocate.

His hand drifted slowly, as if without his notice, to the top of Neil’s head and the dark, fluffy hair that grew there. Neil leaned into the touch, encouragingly. 

They sat like that, Todd running his fingers through Neil’s hair for he didn’t know how long, the dark cultivating long comforting shadows over them. He longed to say something, to open his mouth and let everything out until he had nothing left to say. Until the weight on his chest was gone. He didn’t though- Todd never said anything, never found the right words or when he did, the moment was over again and it was too late. 

Neil shifted, lifting his head up and propping himself up on elbows. Todd dropped his hand feeling guilty. 

“Could I do something… odd?” He asked seriously. 

“You’re always odd.” Todd laughed, still a little breathless from the way Neil was looking at him. 

Neil leaned over like it was the most natural thing to do in the world and kissed him chastely, a peck as far as kisses go, but Todd’s whole body was buzzing with energy and he could hear his heartbeat slamming loud in his ears regardless.

And wasn’t this some cruel joke, the universe playing tricks on him.

“I’m sorry.” Neil said pulling away.

“Why’d you do that.” Todd was looking at the ground feeling his cheeks heat up, glad for the cover of darkness.

“Because I wanted to,” Neil sounded desperate, like Todd had never heard him before. “because I thought you wanted…” 

He cut himself off short, Todd’s gut filled with a helpless kind of hope. 

“I’m sorry.” Neil said again. “I shouldn’t have.” 

“Do it again.” Todd said, his voice breaking. He didn’t think, for once is his goddamn life, he just said the first thing that came to his head, because he wanted to. Jesus he wanted-

“What?” 

“Kiss me again.” He said, but Neil was taking too long, looking at him slack faced and confused so Todd reached out with an urgency that surprised him and cupped Neil’s face to do it himself. 

He pulled back again, briefly when Neil didn’t respond, but he was tugged back in with firm hands on the back of his neck. Then they were kissing, really kissing, the air driven right out of Todd’s lungs. Todd rubbed his thumbs over those high cheekbones, finally parting his lips as Neil pushed his way in. 

It was too hard, inexperienced and wet, their teeth clacking every once and a while and it was perfect. 

God he was kissing him.

The world finally aligned as Neil shouldered his way up and over to brace himself above him, placing a knee on either side of him. He felt hot and electric everywhere they touched, Neil’s body radiating heat against his own. 

“Jesus Todd I-“ He kissed away whatever Neil had to say, craning his neck up to meet him. Todd wasn’t good with words, but this, the feel of Neil’s body, the soft press of flesh against flesh, this, somehow, inexplicably, he knew. 

His lips traveled the expanse of Neil’s neck, to the mountains and valleys in around the exposed part of his collarbone, back up to his jaw where he felt the barest hint of stubble. 

Todd reached up to carefully roll Neil onto his side, to lay with him on the same level. He seemed unable to take his hands off him now, left them shaking slightly still resting on the soft line of his cheek. 

“Todd I…” For once, Neil was speechless. 

“I’ve never felt like this before.” For once, Todd knew exactly what to say. 

“Me either.” Neil gently brushed aside the hair falling into his eyes before dragging his hand further into Todd’s hair. 

“Kiss me again.” Todd said quietly.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and be sure to leave a comment or a kudos!


End file.
